The Secret to Getting What You Want? Just Ask For It

Being able to state what you want is the essence of personal power. It's not enough to identify and live your values; you need to look at your life and state what you want within every aspect of your existence, which includes everything from the intricacies of a work project to life aspirations. It doesn't matter the size of the want; unless you state it, there's no guarantee you'll get it. The second part is stating what you want to the rest of the world--clearly and with respect. 

Not taking the time to state what you want can often turn into passive-aggressive behavior, a technique that is guaranteed to derail your personal power and relationships. It doesn't matter if you're Minnesota Nice or a Georgia Peach; if you use passive-aggressive behavior to manipulate someone else to get what you want instead of stating what you want outright, you're being hurtful and will be perceived as manipulative. If you choose to be passive-aggressive, people will resent you, won't want to be around you, and won't trust you because they will always feel that you have an ulterior motive that doesn't have their best interests in mind. Being passive-aggressive is a form of dysfunctional behavior. 

When people haven't taken the time to figure out what they want and name it, they react to situations or interactions on emotion alone. If the situation or interactions are not generating feelings, people resort to guilt, shame, and hurtful techniques out of self-protection to feel valued and respected. You see, most of the time, passive-aggressive behavior comes from people who lack personal power: they desperately want to be heard yet have no idea how to use their voice to state what they want. To reclaim your power, you need to figure out what you want, name it, and take responsibility for getting what you want in a healthy way. 

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